Charity Music Day Announced

Glen Pavilion 18th November

Hi folks. Today’s article comes from Tartan Talkers, a charity that works with people with thoughts of suicide and family members who have been left behind.

Along with Visit Dunfermline and Loopmaniac’s Liam Saunders, we have organised a fantastic day of live music in The Glen Pavilion on 18th November.

Four Scottish mums who tragically lost their sons to suicide have joined forces intending to save other young lives. 

The brave parents have spoken out as part of their ongoing support for the mental health support group Tartan Talkers.

The male suicide prevention and awareness charity was founded in memory of Tartan Army fan Scott Taylor, who took his own life in March 2022, aged just 37.

The dad-of-one, from Cowdenbeath, Fife, was described as a "happy-go-lucky chappie" who was the "life and soul of the party" before his death.

The four grieving parents, including Scott's mum, Phyllis, are now sharing their stories to boost awareness of the charity's work. 

Mum-of-two Phyllis Taylor, 59, from Crossgates, Fife, lost her son Scott Taylor in March 2022. The dad-of-one was just 37 years old. 

She said:

"If anybody had told me that Scott was going to take his own life, I would have laughed because he was the life and soul of the party. 

Never, ever did I think he would do it. Now, I'd never assume that if someone says they're having an awful time, they're not at risk of doing it.

Before, I'd have thought they were just having an off day, but now I have a completely different outlook.

I've not really grieved yet and have just locked down.

Seeing a room full of parents who have lost their children to suicide is brutal. It's a group you never want people to join. But it's becoming more and more common. 

Tartan Talkers started just after I lost my boy Scott. And it's just grown from there. 

We're trying to stop parents from going through what we're all going through because there's nothing worse. You don't know how bad it is until it chaps your door.

At the end of the day, it's sad that this has had to happen for Tartan Talkers to bloom. We're getting the word to the men out there that help is available.

We're just ordinary people trying to help others that are struggling. If we can save just one person, then it's been worth it.

You expect to lose a mother, father and older people, so you're prepared for that. But see when you lose a kid? I've never experienced anything like that in my life. 

Sometimes people will come up to you and say 'come on, it's been a year now' like they expect you to move on like they have. But we're still stuck in this bubble.

The help is out there; we want to reach out to anyone struggling." 

Tracey Farrell, 56, from Rosyth, Fife, lost her son Greg on May 16, 2022. The dad-of-two was just 36 years old.

She said:

"I never would have expected Greg to take his own life. Three weeks prior, he admitted he was struggling.

He was going to a wedding, and I found him sitting there. I asked him if he was going to get ready, and he just burst into tears. I knew he was suffering a bit of anxiety. 

I then phoned the doctors and made an appointment for him. It was a telephone consultation. They said they would phone him back that afternoon, but the call has yet to arrive. They called the next day, and somebody told him he was to eat healthy and exercise.

I later found out he had bought an antidepressant online that's only available in America and was self-medicating to try to feel better.

Would he still be here if he hadn't taken those tablets? I think so. Did he mean to do it? No, I don't think he did. 

My son was a plasterer; he worked for himself and was a grafter. There was nothing that meant more to him than providing for his family.

Greg was the life and soul of a party. He asked for help, and he never got it. It has left a massive hole in my heart. I can't wait to see him again. 

What is the most challenging thing now is that almost everyone else moves on and forgets about him. But it will stay with me forever.

I learned about Tartan Talkers through a family member, and it has made such a difference. While I feel mentally and physically exhausted when I leave, I feel like I can talk and not be judged.

If I cry, I cry. If I laugh, I laugh, and the group all understand. If anyone else is struggling and thinking about doing the same thing, please talk to someone. Anyone. Don't ever bottle your feelings up." 

Mum-of-two Shona Passfield, 61, from Dunfermline, Fife, lost her 22-year-old son Johnny in May 2013.

She said:

"Johnny was a character. He could be a nightmare, but he was my nightmare! 

He may have gone on and got married and had his own family. But I'll never know.

There have been days where I've questioned why I'm still here, but I've got my other son and my dad to think about. 

It's just crazy how many people are affected by suicide. All these beautiful young men with their whole lives ahead of them are being lost. 

It was only a few weeks ago I spotted a woman at my work in ASDA, and she asked me if we had any nicer flowers, which I was about to put out.

I asked what the occasion was, and she told me it was for her son's birthday. By the way, she said it; I just knew right away and told her I'd lost my son as well. 

As she was leaving, I asked her if she'd heard about Tartan Talkers. She gasped and said she would attend a group meeting a few days later.

Ten years later, it doesn't get any easier, but you learn to cope. So I know what all these parents have got to come.

For me, it was the second year that was the hardest. You get on with it, but you have days when you just start crying and can't stop.

My message to anyone struggling would be if you've got a special person, talk to them, especially if it's your mum.

Nothing can't be fixed, and you don't have to go through it alone. When Johnny died, I found there wasn't much help for me then.

That's why Tartan Talkers is so important. Sometimes it's better to speak to others who understand what you're going through and not always land it on your friends or family.”

Mum-of-three Sharon Ford, 51, from Ballingry, Fife, lost her son Ricky Easson in July 2013. The dad-of-two was just 19-years-old. 

She said:

“Ricky died four weeks before his 20th birthday. He had been low, but his death surprised us all. I didn't think he'd do it.

He had tried to take his own life in February, but we managed to get him back from that. Things seemed to look up and were getting better. But he struggled to come to terms with a relationship break up.

The night he did it, only me and him were in the house. He never came downstairs at night; he'd sit in his room watching TV or listening to music. But he came down and had his supper with me.

The next day, I found him. He had written ten letters to his family. In his letter to me, he just kept saying that he wanted his wee family back. He couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

His death left total devastation. It doesn't get any easier, but you learn to live with it. There are always questions - even now, I think, 'what if?'

What if I had sat and spoken to him even more? Could I have done anything else? 

Hindsight is a great thing, and there's a million things you'd do differently if it meant they were still here.

Every day since Ricky died, I've felt like a void in my belly. And that's my reminder of him. I'll never forget him; he's my son. Ricky's spoken about every day in my house.

Even the grandchildren who never met him or were too young to remember him, they talk about him.

I was only off my work for five weeks because I couldn't sit in the house, being pitied. That's just not me. I shed silent tears at bedtime when nobody sees me.

"Everybody grieves in different ways. And that's why Tartan Talkers is a safe space. It doesn't matter how you're getting through it''. 

We're just here to make people aware that they're not alone because it's happening too often.

The gig Glen Pavilion in Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline, on November 18 from 2 pm until 1 am. 

The event will be opened by the Dunfermline Pipe Band, followed by acts including Spiders On Mars, Esperanza, The New Shade, Keiran Forbes, Nero Da Zero, Pages Town of Idiots, The Columbos, Sid's Garage and The Cognac Twins. 

Strictly over 18's only.

To buy tickets (£12 each)  https://skiddle.com/e/36591108

To find out more about the charity, please visit  www.tartantalkers.scot or call founder Jackie Walls 01383 242 960.